The above care instructions were written by my mom, Mary Susan Simko, for anyone taking care of their cat, Tommy John. This is 100% real and legitimate and NOT ironic. Mom didn't have a sense of humor when it came to Tommy John
Tommy John was adopted by Mom and John when they were at the lake and he showed up at the door of the cabin. I believe he was just a kitten and he immediately took to their care. Mom 100% believed that he was the reincarnation of her mom Viola Eitreim as she had just passed soon before they found him. She saw every little bit of attitude and emotion that Tommy John display as an exact cat version of what her mom was like and did.
I've always cherished this instruction sheet. We teased her about it to great lengths, but in all sincerity, it showed how much she truly did care about that cat. I can't read it without hearing the instructions in her voice (she was careful to make sure to read them through to you, on the off chance that you forgot how to read).
In reading through it, a "finger" of butter is literally taking your finger and smearing about a teaspoon of butter onto a plate for Tommy John to lick up. (If they/you didn't put the butter out for him, he would just jump up on the counter and lick the butter off the butter dish, so... it was best not to forget).
If you read through it again and do the math on the number of places he received treats and butter and the amount of times he received treats and butter, you would imagine that Tommy John must weigh about 50 pounds and died of heart disease at a very young age... but in reality, he was normal size, if not skinny from time to time (his weight fluctuated) and he lived to a ripe old age of about 15 or so.
Tommy John was a good cat. He offered my mom comfort at times when she needed it and he was there for John after Mom had passed away. I think his presence helped John ease into a life of not having my mom around anymore, as difficult as that must've been for him.
Tommy John didn't particularly like being petted by the kids when we all came around and would often hiss and swat at them. They just figured he was playing and laughed about it. I wondered if maybe Viola didn't like having her hair touched or something and makes me glad I never tried to pet her when she was still alive!
I don't know if I truly believe in reincarnation necessarily, but then I think about Viola as I read through the instruction sheet. She did like to go outside... and drink water... and look out the window (I know she did like birds)... and her hands were always soft from baking with butter and lard. AND she loved butter on her lefse. I don't even remember her taking sugar with the lefse... just butter. So maybe she WAS that cat. I don't know... I wouldn't be surprised.
I'm just a creative guy that's looking to throw all this spaghetti onto the wall and hope something sticks.